christmas eve update

Merry Christmas Eve!

I had a vision, which will only resonate with anyone who used to play Supersmash Bros., of the WE butterfly (the white one from one of my various intro animations) flying into a green mystery box that turns it metal. It then flies into fire, but doesn't disintegrate like a butterfly would in flames. It turns white hot and glows, with extra strength.

I love visions that honor motifs from my childhood. Does anyone remember Crazy Bones? These little plastic figures. Some of them were opaque and some were translucent. Some had milky plastic colors and others had glitter in them. You set them up between two players across from each other with some space in between, and chose one to flick across and try to knock the other person's over; you get to keep your casualties and continue taking turns. My brother and I used to play this in the hallway near the front door of our house growing up.

One ongoing theme in particular that has been moving alongside our development in 2023 is connected to this (and if you did not, go back to see the reading posted a few months ago called "Giving Childhood Nostalgia a Place to Exist in the Material Aspects of Today"). The theme is migrating passions of life that make you feel a way many people lose forever after early childhood, into the main priority structures of how you operate daily.

I keep seeing cute reels on social media from women in their 30's and they're doing whimsy household tasks and crafts, typically a cat around, no man- saying, "your thirties are for reclaiming what you loved when you were 13."

It resonates with me for obvious reasons but particuarly because an aspect of my inner child is eternally standing in the rain, screaming crying, begging to be a priority, always. She was impossible to ignore and I got to her a little sooner than my thirties. She is safe now and she is happy. That's why I like glitter so much as an adult, lol.

We are being asked to migrate more of our attention to details in all actions to generate more of a connection to passion. When I get into high-vibrational, creative flow states, I can almost develop a resentment to things outside of it that threaten to take me away from this. It's my own addiction, really. The remaining one. (Well, second. But we're coming for you, oral-fixation-nicotine-fueled-inability-to-fully-take-a-deep-breath). It has always been hard for me to tend to my creative inner world and the urge to express it outwardly without tipping into a version of extremes.

The lesson now is that it is okay to dabble, play, and moonlight. It is ok to take the energies that a creative practice generates, and let them enlighten every other action you "must" do along the way to returning to the uninterrupted flow state.

The generosity of the universe is that it will bend like weeping willow tree branches around everything you “must” do, and usher in more forms of engagement that are conductively flammable to your pursuit. Momentum will be gained. Elements will alight. It puts us into the star-nosed mole spirit animal energy.

The star-nosed moles blindly feel their way through earth's innards with a multi-faceted appendage that is unlike anything most of their closely-related friends in the animal kingdom possess. They do not have to come up for air, for sight. They are emmeshed in the soil because they have the means to navigate AS THEY MOVE, not as two separate activities.

Motion and direction, and contemplation of the two, are interwoven instinctually. I n t u i t i v e l y . . .

Real world application of this might feel like (I'm sorry, yes, again) embracing the liminal space.

Being able to balance multiple responsibilities and fuel them equally with your energy because this keeps your energy moving. You're allowed to migrate your focuses over time to continue honoring the pull towards alignment that is intuitively evolving now.

I have to constantly remind myself every time I find myself engaged with something that, at this point, after THIS YEAR?!?, feels like a "waste of time," that once not so long ago I would have been ecSTATIC to see as the progress I've made. The oozing graphics on my website's Mission page have always resonated with me (anything lava lampy, oil slick, paint blobs- all that jazz) because it resembles the goopy transience of all matter moving through states, even when we think it's solid or unchanging. Everything is actually just oozing like honey.

The things that feel like obstacles are there for a reason. They're the current container your manifested reality is housing itself in. They may feel like larger blobs but they are no less transient in their timeless stance, in that the lava lamp is a weightless environment, shaped something like an hourglass, but requiring no manual reset. Temperance card is coming to mind.

Be "this and that," "both-and," in whatever ways you need to be while continuing to emphasize, energetically, more of that which you WANT to be.

I am also seeing a vision right now as I write that is somewhat gruesome; allow me to explain. If it was a painting I’d call it, “death by honey..”

I’m seeing someone who is a container that is filling with honey and they essentially suffocate eventually. This is sort of how it feels energetically arriving towards the New Year. A slow, seeping goodness. It is sweet, but it’s overwhelming. It’s a thorough energy that is hard to evade.

From an archetypal standpoint, remember that there is no death. To die by honey would be to transform entirely while bathed in sweetness.

There is no need for resentment when we see our movement within the tasks of our lives. We see how much we do. How much we move, how much we give. It is very commendable.

I wanted to take the time to note something about journaling.

My friend and I were recently reading her old quiz-style book/journals from 20 years ago. They're as funny as the wild things I dredge up from my childhood.

We were noting how we utilized the journal space as private, sure, but not private in our own minds. It was as if we were talking to someone we wanted to impress and sound cool for. It opened a rip in our fantastical girl-minds to appeal to someone or something through cultural taste. Many of the quizzes ask for favorites, or "what would you do IF," scenarios. They ask you to define yourself through choices.

Even though I never stopped journaling as I got older and wrote about more complicated things, I never stopped speaking to someone else, or something else.

Is it unavoidable to speak to someone when you choose to put words into writing? I believe so.

The purpose of my journals, somewhat overwhelmingly, then becomes less about their literal contents and more about stringing together the tone of my directed voice as I've aged. Their purpose now is that they show me how I learned to speak to and trust something outside of myself while having nothing to prove.

Every human's experience on earth is equally rich to that of another's in that WE'RE ALL ALIVE IN A HUMAN BODY EXPERIENCING SOMETHING. How it differs, is how our brain translates the electro-chemical impulses from all sensory stimulation into understanding for our ability to make sense of WHAT IT IS that we ARE experiencing. How do you relate to what you experience and consequently, how do you make sense of it? For many, this happens automatically. Meta-cognition is the act of making this process conscious. What do you think about what you're thinking about. What you think about how you're thinking. What do you think about when you notice your mind start to run auto-script (in other words, jump to conclusions). Meta-cognition should be differentiated from self-reflection, the latter being hindsight integration and the former occurring in the moment.

*(Stay tuned for my scathing review of how corporations bastardize language in a directed manner that is ahead of the curve to continue over-saturating the sphere of meaning to perpetuate confusion [META])*

Beyond meta-cognition, therein lies a secondly perplexing stage to being known or understood by others which takes this inner-standing and attempts to make it clear or evident to another who is not in our mind with us to witness it RAW or "UNTRANSLATED." Really, all meaning is made from varying levels of translation.

This is the root source of my interest in language, various languages, and words' etymologies.

What amongst our collective histories has been lost in translation? In the adverse, what is the dominant narrative we collectively chant?

Even if someone is not capable of describing their experience to another, does not mean they do not understand it within; however, I believe that the inner-standing unfurls an inevitable ability to communicate it, because many of us THINK of our own experiences in WORDS. But what if we cannot find the words? Don't know them?

I honestly often don’t know the words, but because I am a channel, I pull them out of thin air. I try. I have long resented the prison of language to the degree that it has caused me to befriend it. Like a beautiful spool of never-ending thread to pull from,

Weaving, weaving, weaving. I have never said this,

but I believe I am only about 14% successful in translating visions into words or images. ACCURATELY. That is subjective though, isn’t it? By whose standard? Who am I trying to please? Is it just the crushing pressure of wanting to do justice to the visions in my mind as they appear to me? And isn’t that pressure just an expression of the intensity I feel as a result of being joyous in what I see and find? Yes. It’s just a desire to share. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and the only expectations that are missed or met, are my own.

Being in an academic art setting engenders a high-level of criticality. You’re asked time and time again to use your constructively critical eye and refine its lens: to apply to the works of peers, our own processes, and to review essays and material from the great minds throughout time.

I believe I resisted formal education for a long time because these things, metrics, the works that walked so ours could run, the context of it all - seems so trivial in comparison to the urge to move fast and boldly. I learned, begrudgingly, to heed to comments of the critiques and see how EVERY SINGLE response to my paintings and drawings was valid. Every single one either missed or hit the mark of what I’d poured into the piece. Of what I’d hoped it accomplish. Every single one - particularly the harshest reactions or the viewers I’d felt I’d failed, has stuck with me.

Given the task, 14% feels triumphant, but it is a testimony why so many creatives shut themselves down. I genuinely feel that it requires a fight to keep the creative spirit alive in a way that honors the inner-conception of the creative energies with which we are gifted, the inspiration whispered from all of life if we’re quiet enough to hear.

Beyond creative activities, how often do you hear someone say something like, "I don't know how to put it into words. I don't know how to say it," or say something and back pedal to clarify like, "that's not really what I meant to say, though. I don’t know how to put it"

The inneffability of being alive has been one of my biggest hurdles because I embrace challenges as a performer. I want to overcome. But just like one of my run-on sentences or a point I'll never remember to make,

Life's mysteries aren't meant to be worked out in their entirety, nor can they be. What if there is no point, no end?

Any critique from the self or the other, in art or in life, should only help us refine and progress (not to our personally-offended detriment, but our growth) because that is something we could choose to do as a duty to our fellow humans in the meantime while the world carries on. Growth is a choice. Stagnancy is a temptation. *Pictures Uncle Sam pointing poster,*

‘DO YOU want to have everything necessary handed to you to enable yourself to tune out the increasing suffering brought on by the power-hungry greed wars of humanity?’ > move to America!

You will become sicker, poorer, and less happy, slowly without realizing when or how. You will become stupider, less inquisitive, and easier to please. You will become removed from nature, from cycles, from authentic connection that’s untouched by filters, bots, infiltrators. You will pride yourselves on your accomplishments that are built in a false matrix of value that keeps you from ever harnessing the power that the human-spiritual-animal has access to experience. You will accept a projection of these gifts as they try to poke through the soils of your consciousness through virtual paid worlds.

In times of old, it was the wealthy and the privileged who could afford to sit around and enjoy culture, leisure, arts, study.

When in fact, from the philosopher's standpoint,

It's not a luxury but a duty to ponder, to our fellow humans, to conduct oneself in a moral manner

If a person is not able to stop and consider their behavior, then they are not able to

Open the loop of a process that enables MANKIND to transcend (or activate) the template that differentiates us from other species in the animal earthly kingdom

Too many people are too far gone for their current incarnation, sadly, but is it sad if the chance to rejoin never runs out? Too many are trapped by not having time or interest or need to transcend that template, keeping them in a closed loop and unable to ascend energetically.

This Youtube channel and page is a conversation that is ever-unfolding, always ongoing,

My hope is that a viewer such as yourself can pop into or out of it as you choose and trust that it, like a river, is the same but always different and in flow,

Processing the waters that flow through the present position

This work has changed me and taken my through my own abilities to process guidance - allowing this to be witnessed is activating to the collective.

Speaking as someone who went through a phase where instead of waking up and brushing my teeth, I had a handle of rum underneath my bed and I'd wake up and chug it a little to start the day, I know it can be hard to have something to wake up for.

In later chapters of hardship, my dog helped me have something to wake up for and show up for. To take care of. To hold me accountable to something outside of myself.

The channel does that for me in a spiritual sense where it has mirrored to me what my best effort could look like because whoever would ever come across my work deserves the best information that I could possibly provide. And to provide that I have to arrange every aspect of my life to support it. I have dropped a lot of density and toxicity this year and I am beyond grateful for the realizations that have come with this.

My work has always bled out snippets of my experiences transparently because they're inextricably linked. The work is the way, for me. To heal. Similarly to how I like movement with meditation. I like my conscious ascension and healing with a side of artwork and creation. For fun! But for survival. It is somehow both crucial and optional, both light and tense, both loving but serious, both “now,” as I experience, and “forever,” as I document and process it.

The strings of time continue to tangle as we spiral on, and it is the dance of noticing and detangling by sheer fact that we can choose to notice and do so. For the co-creative joy of it.

This coming year will be a year of committing to choiceful detangling, even amidst eggbeaters coming in to wreak havoc on these delicate threads. Like spider webs, they are in fact stronger than steel bit per bit, however slender. I am also seeing a vision now of a monk meditating in a war zone that is very poignant. Slow motion bits blowing up and floating by, millimeters from his cheekbone. His eyes are closed.

The benefit of speaking on experience in a myriad of comparisons and analogies is that we see beyond the words' concrete meanings and begin to understand that all of life is merely felt. The words have become our way. But they will never be all-encompassing, in the same way our eyes will never catch all of the rainbow refractions that dance before us.

The only way to catch more is to clear your vision of illusions and link together with other aspects of the collective hologram in friends, kindred souls, family, and see together,

all you can see and know. Because everyone's sight is unique.

CO-llective. CO-Creation. It sounds really nice doesn't it :)

Many of my best conversations are those when we realize we're saying the same thing in different ways, kicking it back and forth, throwing sentences and concepts around like we're playing catch. It's just something to do. But what does it get done? Just like my journals being less about their message and more about their tone,

It's not about what's said. It's about the connection. It's about allowing for things to try to be said, at all.

To know that within whatever may be coming in the next few years,

There are people sitting around honoring the vibration of peace, speaking it out loud and doing that with those they love,

because they can. And that is something TO DO. That is something that builds. This is a new way of relating.

It is so soft and simple but somehow so PUNK AND REBELLIOUS.

I DEMAND FREE TIME AND LESIURE TO CONSORT WITH MY PEERS!! IN THIS ECONOMY?! Especially in this economy FFS :') But really.

My next message is about snakeskin. Aha! In June or July I came to face to face with a large dead snake on the pavement in Italy on my way up a mountain. Two days ago, I was doing my default-world job in a customer's home and she proceeded to show me that her son had found a 4 foot snakeskin on the brick mantle in their basement. Fully in-tact, fully-shedded. Alone. A husk. Poised, like the animal would be. Snakeskin is so odd in that it's nature's moldmaking and casting embodied. It is art. It is record. It is evidence.

Everything we walk with in our bodies is just a vessel that we continue to pour into each day. We shed aspects, we sustain others.

The universal flow of energy pours into us as we sustain its flow by way of nourishment, movement, sleep, and other impulses.

I also spoke about this cycle for the second half of 2023 at one point, like a mother in labor. A baby coming. The stages of giving birth. The water broke, the labor pains.

I think we're getting ready to meet our baby. It's like when it's all cleaned up and swaddled and is brought back in to be held.

In times of lostness, cultivate the sense of that emotion within and let it apply to your new embodiment. This is the degree to which you love yourself.

I am sharing this about the snakeskin because I have a few dense concepts and lessons that I gathered this year that I'm being moved to LEAVE IN 2023. That means I'll be posting them and offloading them in the way that I do for my own integration and as energetic bookmarks on the Youtube channel so they live there forever more (or until the computers crap the bed and it's all lost forever and we're back to foraging. That would be a radical lesson in detachment, huh). What I mean is I will be speaking on intense topics and putting trigger warnings on the video titles as or if needed in the coming weeks.

With this, the COLLECTIVE GUIDANCE is to

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE OFFICIALLY IN THE PAST, IN 2023. WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS YEAR. WHAT IS STILL GROWING. WHAT DID YOU OUTGROW. WHAT CAN YOU DO, SAY, ADMIT, APOLOGIZE FOR, RELEASE, ACKNOWLEDGE, FORGIVE, LET GO OF, AND MOVE ON FROM. THIS IS THE TIME TO THINK THESE THOUGHTS AND BE HONEST BECAUSE THERE IS NO ONE ELSE IN YOUR MIND AND HEART BUT YOU. THERE HAS NEVER BEEN SUCH A PAINFUL ITCH IN THE COLLECTIVE ASKING THOSE WHO ARE DONE AVOIDING IT TO PEEL BACK A FEW MORE LAYERS OF THE HARBORED HURT TO MOVE BEYOND SHARED-STUCKNESS IN PARADIGMS OF LIMITED THINKING AND SEPARATION. ALWAYS REMEMBER THE PAIN IS A TESTAMENT TO YOUR ABILITY TO HOLD THE EQUALLY STRONG BUT OPPOSITE LOVE FORCE. WHEN WE SEE BLOOD WE REMEMBER WE ARE REAL.

TWISTIES: THE MORE YOU AVOID ASPECTS OF INTEGRATING YOUR SHADOW SELF, THE MORE THE EGO WEAVES THEM INTO DENSER TWISTS TO CONTINUE MANIFESTING THEM INTO YOUR LIFE IN INCREASINGLY COMPLICATED WAYS - INFINITE FRACTAL CAPACITY FOR AVOIDANCE IN THE WEB OF CREATION

USING THE SAME CREATION ENERGY TO EITHER HEAL AND DETANGLE, OR TO COMPLICATE/INCREASE STUCKNESS.

This month is the last stop before a NEW 7-year carousel picks you back up to go merry go round the karmic wheel once again, or start off on a new adventure. Everyone will choose whether they know so or not. Choose new. Choose expansion.

I will do a reading and an additional post here on Updates TOMORROW ON CHRISTMAS! I have a lot more messages and thoughts but I must away to preparatory tasks before seeing my elderly grandparents and dear brother who drove 10 hours to be with us on Christmas Eve. In the last couple years, I have taken to enjoying the majority of the Christmas season in solitude. Tomorrow I will be meditating a lot and continuing to process messages for the collective. It is a perfect time to come home to self.

This time of year you may notice (if you believe yourself to be a channel or are experimenting with accessing information from your higher self, states of meditation, etc.) that it comes through very easily, very steadily. Very reliably.

BE NICE TO YOURSELF YOU'RE INCREDIBLE THERE'S NEVER BEEN ANOTHER YOU! THERE NEVER WILL BE. YOU ARE LOVED.